so ive been thinking alot lately that i need some form of routine in my life, so ive decided each time i update this thing, i will follow a routine. or at least after i have written whatever is on my mind i will include a few questions, which will be the same each time i update, just to keep track of whats going on.
ok so exactly one year ago today, give or take a few hours, something happened, something so unexpected yet strangely familiar, pleasant yet awkward, so wrong but it felt right.
this event directly influenced my life this year greatly. it made it so so much better and yet it made this year so bad at times that i felt like there was nothing else, i found myself wandering around aimlessly for hours until i finally would get so worked up that i would go try and do something stupid on my bike or whatever else i could find to scare the shit out of myself, or ended up broken and hurt. i didnt mind either way. so sometimes i ended up massively depressed, but on the other hand i at times i found myself so happy that nothing else mattered, i didnt care what was happening around me, whatever was troubling me the night before suddenly didnt matter to me, whatever i had on my mind was pushed out, i found these moments so addictive that i found myself unable to fulfil my need or better put my craving of it. the fact that i am a jealous piece of shit made that dealing with these times where usually when depression would come on.
although what happened this night took place a year ago, i remember it like it happened last week, yet what happened last week i cannot remember. i find myself on occasion thinking of what took place or more to the point what could have been. but it is better to try and push these thoughts out of your head, dwelling on the past never does anyone any good. so now i look to the new year with a hope, a hope for a new freedom, freedom from the thoughts that constantly haunt me. i try and try to move, to something better, something less painful, something that will help me in the times that i do think back, but until then i find myself here reflecting on this year. a year i have grown so much mentally that i hardly recognise myself anymore. the year has come and gone so fast that i take the time now to answer a few self deprived questions about this year.
top 5 most listened to songs on this year -
- konstantine. no explanation needed, played 159 times on ipod alone, which equals 1 day 4 hours of the song
- down. amazing song, only started to listen to it alot more a few weeks ago, but at the start of the year i overplayed it. played 142 times.
- never knew. i heard this song in simonnes car one time, and i went home and found it, i listened to it the next day 62 times... all up this year 121
- walking by. breathtakingly good, i wish i listened to it more thesedays. played just over 100 times.
- seventy times 7. this was the song that got me through shit. just under 100 times.
top 5 artists/ bands of the year
- Jack's Mannequin. andrews new album is the most amazing thing i have ever listened to. it has single handedly changed my outlook on everything in life.
- something corporate. andrews old stuff is just as good. memories
- brand new. i can thank erin for this one. jesse is good but cant touch andrew.
- modest mouse. its modest mouse enough said
- rise against. solid tunes.
top 5 new bands of the year, for me anyways.
- brand new. once again erin showed me there stuff and it rules.
- the rocket summer. simonne showed me bryce, and he is awesome.
- city and colour. dallas is amazing
- vampire weekend. rad tunes for rad people
- treaty of paris. andrew signed these guys to his label. so i signed them to my ipod.
best night of the year
there was a night in january or early feb that was amazing for its own reason, but um i would say maybe city and colour at soundwaves, or a stoop night.
best day
anyday that i was not caring for anything was a good one. i dont think i could narrow it down. any day spent wakeboarding is always chill. soundwave was a awesome day. so many to pick
best experience.
europe for sure. so much to take in its not funny.
im not sure what else to ask myself. so now to what will be my routine questions. more may be added.
last song listened to: down - soco
song most played today: fall - soco
last song played on guitar: pete murray - so beautiful.
music that im digging: pete murray
favourite quote i recently read or heard: "this is like... sexy hot. it feels very sexy in here." "i hope that 100 of your go home tonight and have sex. or 200 or 400. oh hell i hope ALL of you go home tonight and have sex. and think of me when you do." Andrew McMahon
thoughts: getting pretty tired. i wish that i didnt have to work tomorrow, and i want to get rid of my jealousy of everything.
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